


Facing Death, Celebrating Life, Revealing Love

by writetherest



Category: Castle
Genre: AU, Alternate Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writetherest/pseuds/writetherest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>The scene is eerily deja vu to most gathered and Kate wishes she was back on the other side of the door because at least then Castle was whole and alive and she knew he loved her.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Death, Celebrating Life, Revealing Love

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Rewriting History Ficathon prompt: Trapper John shoots Castle.

The sound of the shot reverberates through Kate so hard that it's like she's being shot again, only this time in the heart.

"What was that?" she's struggling to stay calm, to act like she's fine, like it doesn't affect her that the man on the phone has a gun pointed at Castle and she's just heard a shot go off and he might be lying bleeding on the ground at this very second.

"A warning shot, Kate. The next one's for the kill."

She hears Martha's exclamation and the ensuing struggle as Castle tries to calm her. Kate can't breathe, but at least she knows Castle still can.

"I'm going to make pretty red stains out of your boyfriend, Kate. I got my gun to his throat and I'm going to paint a Jackson Pollack with his insides."

She's vaguely aware of Peterson talking to her, but her patience has snapped and she no longer cares about calming the son of a bitch down.

"Listen to me, jackass. I do not control traffic, so you're going to have to give me 20 minutes."

"Now you got one minute, Kate."

"No!" She's fighting not to scream, not to lose control. "I've got 20. Do you hear me? 20. Because if you pull that trigger, I will walk through those doors and personally put a bullet through your skull."

She is deadly serious and she knows it. If he shoots Castle, she will kill him without blinking an eye. It is the most certain of anything that she's ever been.

"Time's up, Kate." Trapper John tells her and she hears the shot, followed by Martha's scream of "Richard!" before the line goes dead.

Everything freezes at that moment as the phone falls from her hand. Martha's scream is on a loop in her mind and the pain is so intense that she isn't sure that she hasn't been shot too.

"Beckett?" Peterson's voice is far away, muffled by Martha's screams and the blood pounding in her ears.

"Castle," she says, her hand on her gun, trigger finger itching.

"Beckett!" Peterson's voice is sharper now, but she ignores it.

She doesn't care about protocol or what she's supposed to do in this situation or who is supposed to go in now. All she cares about is putting a bullet into Trapper John's head. The rest is too overwhelming to think about.

"Beckett!" he calls again, but she is undeterred.

She is out of the van, headed for the front doors of the bank and nothing will stop her. Until the explosion rocks the building.

**

"Castle!"

The smoke hasn't cleared yet and SWAT isn't even in, but she doesn't care. She won't stop until she finds Castle.

The moment he came bursting into her apartment after the explosion flits across her mind and she wonders as her eyes scan and continues to yell for him, how she didn't know he loved her sooner.

"Castle! Rick!" Desperation is taking over.

"Here! Kate!" It's Martha's voice and Kate rushes for the source - the safety deposit room.

"Martha!"

Martha is on the floor along with other hostages, Rick across her lap. Blood is pouring from a wound on his chest - gun shot wound to the chest and it's better than the throat, so much better, but it still nearly stops her in her tracks because it's a _gun shot wound to the chest_ but she refuses to acknowledge what that truly means at this moment - and Martha as well as a few others are trying to stop the bleeding. No one else appears to be hurt.

Kate drops to her knees, her hands taking the place of Martha's, pushing on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Castle! Castle! Stay with me. Stay with me, Rick." She begs, mirroring Castle's own words from when she was shot. Words she remembers more vividly now than she has before.

_Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate._

The SWAT team and paramedics are in the building now, swarming it, adding to the chaos, but she only sees Castle. "Stay with me."

The paramedics have to pry her away to get him on the gurney and she follows them to the ambulance without a thought for anyone else - even his mother.

Alexis' scream of "Dad!" hits her just as the ambulance doors close and she realizes what it is she's done, but she can't bring herself to care.

**

He codes in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

_I watched you die in that ambulance. Did you know that? Do you know what's that like? Watching the life drain out of someone you -_

Love.

That was the way he'd wanted to finish that sentence and now she knows, now she's experiencing it, and she doesn't understand why he ever forgave her, because she doesn't think she can ever forgive him for this moment - this feeling.

Then the machine beeps back to life and her own heart starts beating again and she realizes that she can forgive him anything, as long as his heart keeps beating.

**

Martha and Alexis are already in the hallway with Ryan and Esposito when she gets there, racing after the gurney that won't allow her to keep up. They all watch as Castle is wheeled into the ER and they are left, waiting on the outside.

The scene is eerily deja vu to most gathered and Kate wishes she was back on the other side of the door because at least then Castle was whole and alive and she knew he loved her.

"I'm so sorry." The words spill out of her mouth and she doesn't know who she's apologizing to or what she's apologizing for because the list suddenly seems endless.

She'd failed Castle, gotten him shot in front of his mother, wheeled out in front of his daughter, and forgotten about both of them as she got into the ambulance.

"I'm so sorry."

Martha embraces her and when her arms come around and hold tight, Kate breaks down. The pain is too much, what she's done, what she might lose, what he might never know, it all hits too hard, and she sobs in Martha's arms.

"It's alright, darling," Martha murmurs, "you needed to be with him."

Alexis stands off to the side and offers no absolution but she offers no condemnation either and Kate is able to stay standing because of that.

**

When the doctor comes out, everyone holds their breath until he smiles a little.

"Mr. Castle made it through surgery. We managed to retrieve the bullet and stop the bleeding. We did have to shock his heart to get it beating again. We'll need to watch him closely."

"That was your diagnosis, Beckett," she hears Esposito whisper and everything hurts but feels hopeful too. This is all too familiar and she knows what happens next.

**

Martha and Alexis go to Castle's room while Esposito and Ryan fill her in on the explosion and how all the robbers were killed. Kate is happy that Trapper John is dead, but she wishes that it had been by her hand.

Things don't feel right about all of the robbers being killed and she questions the safe deposit box connection. When the boys show her the picture of the victim's son-in-law, she recognizes him as the epileptic and moves to see if he's still in the hospital.

When they find out that he isn't, she sets off with the boys to solve the case, swallowing all the words trying to claw their way out of her throat. She needs to see this through for Castle.

**

They make the connection and find out where Tanya Brandt is hiding. Kate has never been a religious person, but she strongly feels the need to confess. She knows if she starts, she may never stop. So she whispers "forgive me, Father, for I have sinned" as they head out, already calling the Ithica police.

**

Ryan and Esposito have left to go to Ithica and pick up Ron when her phone rings. It's Alexis and her heart stops as she picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"Detective Beckett - Kate - Dad's awake. He's asking for you." Those are the only words she needs to hear.

**

She enters his hospital room slowly, the pain in her chest finally starting to dissipate when she sees him sitting up, looking pale, tired, and drawn, but alive.

"Hey," she manages to push out, her eyes glued on him.

"You're staring at me. I must look really bad."

He's slightly dopey from the pain killers, but she knows what he's doing, and more so, she knows that he knows what he's doing - pain killers or not.

"No, I just never thought," she swallows a sob, but cannot stop the tears slipping down her cheeks, "I'd see you again."

He smiles at her. "I don't think I'm going to live this one down, Beckett."

"Oh, probably not."

She's beside him now, holding his hand and she's can't keep going with this scene, even if she remembers the script. "I know that you tried to save me."

Castle looks confused - she's stolen his line. "You - you know?"

And finally, holding his hand, she admits what she couldn't all those months ago, when their positions were reversed. "Yes, I remember everything."

His eyes go wide. "Kate?"

She nods.

"They say," his voice is small, almost broken, "that there's some things that are better not being remembered."

Her own words are thrown back at her and she knows just how much she hurt him that day and has been since. "They're wrong, Rick. They're scared, but they're so wrong."

He opens his mouth to say something, when Martha and Alexis come bustling through the door holding bags and bags of carry out. Martha poses with a flourish that makes Castle laugh, even though it hurts.

"Facing death demands celebrating life. Tonight we feast." She proclaims.

"I tried to tell her that dad wasn't even cleared to eat solid foods, but she wouldn't listen," Alexis says, apparently to Kate, and she takes that as a good sign.

"Dad is cleared to eat solid foods," Castle protests, "especially if you got my favorite from that little Chinese place on the corner."

"Voila!" Martha sets the container in front of him, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you, kiddo."

"I love you too, Mother," he replies, and his eyes catch Kate's.

She looks at him and says the only thing she can. "The songs make sense for me too, Castle. I just..."

"Need to get that wall down," he finishes for her.

She nods and he takes a bite of his food before smiling at her once more. "That wall won't be there forever. And when it does come down? I'll still be here."

She smiles and quickly leans over to place a kiss on his forehead, just like Martha did. "Good. Because I don't want you anywhere else."

"And until then," he grins, shifting in the bed, "we'll have cool matching scars!"

Everyone laughs at that, and the weight that had been on her shoulders lifts off. Castle loves her and she loves him and they know it. And they're both alive and will soon have cool matching scars.

To Kate, it sounds perfect.  



End file.
